barbara walters just said penis...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
