we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
