Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
