I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
