I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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