were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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