Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How's work?
Spinning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
