I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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