in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
