I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
