Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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