be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
