They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sober January is a disaster.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
