a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
should my penis look like a turkey
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
