He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
