I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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