my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
