I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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