Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize