so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
