remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
