took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
