just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
