you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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