I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
id be glad to
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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