I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize