How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
