Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
