if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
