yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
