Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
