i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
