I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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