i just google imaged poop.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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