im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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