He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
