are you still at the devil's house?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
