I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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