Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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