i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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