Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize