Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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