And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
