I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
