My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
