Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
