...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
