If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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