I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
