Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
