Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
