Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
