I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize