Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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