Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
