Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
