I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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