I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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