I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
