DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So vagazzling was a success
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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