I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
