Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
