In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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