Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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