Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
