I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
