U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
