Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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