My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
