if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
